And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
