you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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