she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
