are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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