I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
