Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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