You smell like a Billy Joel song
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Actions speak louder than pants.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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