i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
