we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
