im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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