My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
