Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
