She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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