He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
