he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
