rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
