Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
