You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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