He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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