i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
