I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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