She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I would fuck him just for his dog
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
