it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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