i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my being single is dangerous.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
