Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
