I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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