my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
