Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
