Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
