sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
