Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
