i'm signing you up for texting rehab
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
