i think my mom watched the whole time
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
