jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
