Porn is love you can see.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
