I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
