i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Who put my cat in the fridge?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
