Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
