he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
