i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
