I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
