ugly people sure do ruin things
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
