the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He passed out mid-signature
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
