She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I touched a dick in church today
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
