y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My feet surprised me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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