with your own penis?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
