is your mom at the bar?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
