Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I AM VODKA MAN
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
