I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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