Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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