so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How does it feel to date your dad?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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