You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
