I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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